Most women under the age of 95 have been approached by men on social media. Most men have been contacted by women. There’s a temptation to write them all off as time-wasters and fakes, but I’m sure a percentage are people who are genuinely looking to form relationships ranging from short term sex to marriage.
As with any other advice blog post, there are any number of people willing to give you their two cents worth. Huffington Post gets in on the act with this excellent article. Glamour Magazine in UK refers to Twitter in this post about how Iggy Azalea met her boyfriend on Instagram. Dating sites appear to be taking a back seat these days.
As Twitter is my thing, this post focuses the Twittersphere, but I’m sure these suggestions would apply just as well to any other form of social media.
I write from the point of view of a woman approached by men, but the reverse also applies. If you’re a woman reading this, just change the pronouns.
Let’s think about what happens when Guy A meets Girl B, or any other sexual combination you can think of. It’s believed that people form impressions of new people in under 20 seconds. If B doesn’t like the way A combs his hair, or stands, or he has a bit of food on his lapel, the chances are she’s not going to talk to him. The process isn’t on the surface of her mind, and her reaction is largely automatic.
Even more importantly, she’s not going to talk to someone she knows absolutely nothing about. We all – male and female – pick up on clues about another person before we decide if we want to speak to them or not.
How can we translate this to Twitter?
I am constantly contacted by guys who post very little information about themselves. Twitter only has a small space for a profile, a birth date, and two photos. These need to be used in the most positive way possible. Make sure your small photo is a good one. Your large photo can say a lot more about you, and have a lot more in it, but it is the small photo that comes up in feeds.
Most people hate describing themselves. Avoid cliches at all costs. If I’m in a bar, and a man comes up to me and introduces himself, asks me my name and what sort of work I do, I am probably not going to want to talk to him as everything he has said was so predictable. If another man asks me if I’ve heard the band before, what do I think of them, if I’ve heard another band at another location, then before we both know it we are having a conversation about live music (which I love). So the second man is going to make a lot better progress with me while the first is still standing there wondering what he did wrong, even though he may be a perfectly good person.
Twitter is a fantastic medium for having conversations about things you like with other people of any gender.
Like gospel music? Then follow some of your favorite gospel singers or choirs. Chat – in public, on the feed at this stage – with other people who like the same singers. Follow these people. Soon you’ll have a whole network of people with the same interests as you – just as though you’d joined a club of people who all love gospel music.
Back to your profile. “Kind, honest, caring, with a good sense of humor” is a cliche. We all like to think we’re kind, honest, caring and have a good sense of humor. A profile like this gives no useful information. (I’m sure Hitler thought he was kind, honest, caring and had a good sense of humor.)
An alternative would be: “Big fan of gospel music. Going to see (insert name of singer here) in NYC in September. Saw (insert another name here) last month in Atlanta.”
Change “gospel music” to horror movies, or tennis, or drag racing – whatever it is you like – and you’ve got a profile that not only comes a lot closer to describing who you really are, but makes you more attractive to anyone looking at it.
Now let’s think about your feed.
If I look at someone’s feed, and there are no tweets whatsoever, my reaction is: boring. I have no information about how this person interacts with his world. Would you go to a bar with the aim of meeting someone with a blank mask over your face? Zero tweets is pretty close to this. From a woman’s point of view it is suspicious as well. If you’re nervous about writing tweets, scroll through your feed and retweet. Make sure you only retweet things you find genuinely interesting, and always read articles first. Some have deceptive titles, and there’s a lot of clickbait out there.
In my next post I’ll write about what to do when you find someone you believe you could like.
My name’s Jane New, and I write erotica. Check out my books on this site. I can be contacted on JaneNewRomanticFantasy@gmail.com.